Erica's Pensieve

How can I be so sad and happy at the same time? Part of me is still living in the past and wondering how things might have gone differently. It’s so hard to move forward when your memories pull you back.

I really really hate OCD. Sometimes I feel trapped and I have to complete something before letting something else happen afterwards and people tend to misunderstand because they have no clue what’s going on.

I didn’t think I could feel this deep aching pain again.

Why do guys have to be so insensitive sometimes? My mind is not so hard to understand.

Haven’t posted in a while! Here are a few updates~

I got braces and they hurt. Cheeks are all cut up and my teeth feel all claustrophobic and stuff. The biggest problem is food getting stuck and flossing. Not sure where to put my elastics, hopefully they’re in the right place.. oh dear. I hope these are worth it.. I will kind of miss my fangs though. My dad said he’ll miss them too and that I looked like a cute vampire. hah. hah.

The thing I was worrying about is gone now. *relief* I can just focus on what I need to get done now that that’s out of the way!

Just relaxing and enjoying the last few days of summer break. I am kind of excited for school (wha?!) but I know I’ll be stressing in about 3 weeks with midterms eew.

Someone pretends to be happy. Maybe not quite happy, but wearing the appearance of a normal person living a normal life, to others around them, while inside they are being crushed. It comes to them at night, or on silent hours, when there is nothing to distract the thoughts and whispers that discourage them. A few tears leak out each day, because they want to just let it all go. An easier route would be suicide. Yes, wouldn’t that be a quick and simple solution to all the pressures and troubles of life? To them, death is eternal silence, to not know or remember anything – having no past, present, or future. Then a thought crosses their mind. What is life then? A spark that came from no where. A chance, or one time opportunity. If everything eventually dies in the end, why does it matter – not only why does it matter to try, but why do the pressure and stresses matter? Why does it matter if someone fails in life, or loses everything. Everything is lost in the end anyway. So why not just play this game for the time being, just because one can.

As if I have any control over it. It’s pointless trying to control it. XD Fucking psychology class. Now I know I’m blaming it on external factors to make myself feel better, but do I want to know this?! No I don’t. Bah.

Short post… getting lazy.

I am pathetic.